I think a lot about change and why, even when I have a compelling reason and a plan, I get stuck. I'm not talking about changes offered to me by others, but the changes that are deep down wishes I really want to come true.
There are clues for me in Jonathan Haight’s metaphor of the Rider and the Elephant. (You may also know the metaphor from Chip & Dan Heath's book, “Switch”.) Essentially, each of us has a Rider (our logic and reason) and an Elephant (our emotions). Clearly the Rider is smaller than the Elephant and change takes cooperation between the two.
When we are stuck, it’s rarely because our Rider can’t exhaustively list the reasons we need to change, catalog the benefits of achieving the change, and hasn’t downloaded the app to track our progress. No, it’s usually because our Elephant isn’t buying all that logic and isn’t going anywhere until the feeling moves her.
How often is our Rider’s next reaction frustration? “I just need to . . .” And the Rider reaches into her logic drawer to find a bigger reason to coax or scare the Elephant into action. When our emotional pachyderm stays rooted to the spot, then that big logic brain turns inward to berate our lack of willpower or some other “flaw” . . .which just makes our Elephant feel worse by the way.
Our Elephants have long memories, strong opinions and are committed to keeping us safe. Your Elephant is likely holding a strong assumption about how to keep you safe and sees your Rider’s change plan as dangerous and frightening.
Next time you find yourself stuck – try spending a few minutes with your Elephant and ask, what do you want me to know about how you feel about this change? What can we do that will feel safe enough to start on a new path?
The answers could be the key to getting your Rider and Elephant on their way – together.
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